LOSING LORI #39 – April 24, 2013

Hello dearheart,

I don’t feel witty or pithy (that’s not pissy with a lisp btw) this week. That 4.5 lb loss a couple of weeks ago seems to be mocking me and saying, “Juuuust kidding. Scale malfunction. Psych!” What I thought was a kickass start to my Diet Bet now seems like a nasty hoax.

Last week I wrote about how the scale can’t have all the power. This week, I feel like Cruella the Bitch is hollering in my head. “Oh, you think you’ve conquered the scale mind-f*ck, Lori? We’ll see about that, Little Miss Well Adjusted & Mentally Healthy. Let’s see how positive and sparkly you are when the number not only refuses to budge, but goes in the wrong direction. Mwah ha ha ha ha!”

(… and here begins what some may refer to as the TMI portion of the blog. Turn back now if you’re all sensitive and whatnot!)

Making excuses isn’t my style, but I’ll make a small exception. I’ve had an, um… medical issue plaguing me for several weeks. It would be filed in the Embarrassing Conditions manual. It’s hard to take this sitting down, you know? Despite all the Preparation from my neighbourhood pharmacy, this diagnosis is a real pain in the ass. I trust I don’t need to toss you the donut ring and you’ve caught on by now? Yeah, super elegant.

So, I’ve been in some degree of pain almost all the time for a few weeks. I’ve had to take some time off from the gym because physical straining is a bad idea, not just in the back door area. Yeah, there I was joking about ‘roids at the gym… yeah, you write the rest of that joke, smart ass.

I have to thank two of my closest friends for their support during this inflamed time. One recommended Superstrength Motrin Liquigels and they are so very lovely that they live on my night table for those delightful nights when the pain wakes me up. The other friend, having traveled these back roads, if you will, hand delivered the medication she had leftover from her… assventure. It really took our friendship to a new level.

In terms of weight loss, some days I’m strong, motivated and steely. Other days, I think, “F*ck. I still have so much effing weight to lose. How is it not coming off faster?” Now, if I followed that thought with ice cream or soda pop or a slab of milk chocolate or a Costco-sized sack of Rip-L-Chips, I would completely understand being stuck in neutral or first gear. But I don’t. I hold my sh*t together and have a couple of dill pickles instead. Or if I really lose my sh*t, I have *gasp* Stoned Wheat Thins and cheese. While I’m happy to pat myself on the back for this, it’s frustrating when results don’t come.

What am I going to do? Thanks for asking. Well, I’m going to re-read last week’s blog post to see if it’ll shut Cruella up for a GD moment. I’m going to meet with Meg (Fit Bitch) tomorrow for a chinwag about grub. I’ve heard sometimes your body gets used to the same kinds of foods and a shake up can get losses moving again. I’m hoping she tells me there’s not enough bacon in my diet, which is true because there is currently none. I’ve already almost completely eliminated white flour, sugar and processed foods. If I ‘indulge’ in potatoes, corn or brown rice, the portion is very small. I’ll keep you posted on Meg’s words of wisdom.

I now approach the scale like a it’s a guillotine. Guillotines could’ve become such a hot item if you could lop off a love handle or partial buttock, you know? But I’m procrastinating. Here it is: I gained .1 of a pound. Wow. Hold on, I’ll just exfoliate my shins and we’ll be on par with last week. *snort*

Ah well, here’s to a week of being good to myself and doin’ some food learnin’. Have a sparkly week, would ya’?



Pounds gained this week: .1

Pounds lost to date: 56.6

GD Hall & Oates.