Hello, you! Good to see you. Sorry about the mess. It’s homey though, right? No, not horny. Homey, ya smart aleck.

So, after my glittery, mind-blowing 4.5 lb loss last week, the scale almost immediately crept – nay, rocketed – upwards. Kudos to me for simply rolling my eyes and giving the scale the ‘oh-you-little-scamp’ look and walking away. I rolled my eyes because I hadn’t done anything to warrant a gain. Well, okay, I have become a thick-necked, muscle-headed, ‘roid poppin’ gym rat, but I have reservations about thinking I’ve erected that much muscle mass in less than 2 weeks. Mmph, I said erect.

Scales mess with heads. Known fact. Don’t give your scale that much power. How many factors can affect what that scales says? Um, a billion. In addition to water retention, sodium level, muscle/fat ratio, uterine leprechauns (great band, btw), barometric pressure, your spirit animal, the TSE and the date you last had your car detailed,  there’s now research that suggests weight can fluctuate up to 6.5 pounds in either direction depending on whether Hall ‘n’ Oates are playing in Des Moines or Newark. Seriously.

If the scale doesn’t reflect how hard I’ve worked, I don’t freak out any more. I don’t dwell on it or allow it to affect my mood. Hahaha! OMG, I almost believed that when I typed it! The truth is I’ve made enormous strides in not letting the number on the scale dictate my moods and feelings. There’s still the odd time where I’ll look down and mutter, “Oh, for f*ck’s sakes,” but then I get on with my day.

It’s a wise strategy to find other ways to measure your success. Take your measurements, take photos, look at the gleam in your eye. If you expected a loss, it’s likely that you spent a week eating well. Maybe you exercised. Maybe you paid special attention to keeping well-hydrated or getting a good amount of sleep. Maybe you ate some hot meat from 7-11 whilst watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but rather than kicking your own ass and obsessing about it, you woke up the next day knowing it was a fresh start and you’re human.

(batteries optional)

All those things come to down to this: loving yourself. So what if the scale didn’t move? The numbers will sort themselves out. You spent a week treating yourself with respect, dignity and love. And that, my friends, is something to celebrate.

And now to test my belief in my own Lecture du Soapbox – I gained 2.3 pounds this week. In terms of food and exercise, I kicked ass this week and I feel amazing and have nothing to regret. Woo!

Love,

Lori

P.S. GD Hall ‘n’ Oates, am I right?

Pounds gained this week: 2.3

Total pounds lost: 56.7