LOSING LORI #58 – November 20, 2013

Hello you,

Its-a-mans-worldHave I ever mentioned that for the majority of my life, I’m surrounded by dudes? I’m the only gal in my house, i.e. one husband, two sons.  I grew up with one brother and no sisters. I am a comedian in a mostly-male industry. I am a radio host in a mostly-male industry. I do a little TV and a some magazine writing, and that’s pretty much on my own. Do I have a comedy bit about tea-bagging? Damn right I do. I mean, except for the physical discomfort (?) of having dangley bits, I often feel like I have a teabag of my own, likely Earl Grey – it just sounds so well-groomed.

I’m not trying to make a point or take a stand with all this male stuff. It just happened. I didn’t plan for comedy to be my passion. I sure as hell didn’t plan to end up in radio either. But I’m a lucky (see: hard-working) so-and-so, and when an adventure presents itself, well… I’m in, baby (said like George Costanza).

Today I’d like to thank my women. Men, you are amazing. I never tire of you – your perspective, your directness and your lovely, hairy visages. But sometimes it’s nice to be in the company of a dame. Dames get other dames. My favourite dame is my Mom. If you’ve met her, you get it. If not, meet her. Please. She’s in Abbotsford and has probably already unlocked the front door for you. The Rice Krispie treats are in the huge jar on the kitchen counter. Don’t touch the frozen blueberries in the downstairs freezer. Those are mine. Then there are my scrapbook bitches, my stepdaughter, my sis-in-law and my niece, to name a gaggle of major players. Don’t get me started on my comedian friends who happen to be female. I’ve always said that if there’s a natural bond between women, there is an almost magical one between women comedians. I just started typing their names and realized that’s all this blog entry would be if I got started, so I backspaced. If you’re a broad and you tell jokes, we are likely already deeply in love, particularly if we’ve been on the road together. Then there are my Facebook dolls – some of you, I know very well; some, I met once at a gig somewhere and we clicked; some got to know me on X929 and continue to support my radio adventure at up! 97.7 now. Thank you… for everything you are to me and for liking me in that Billy Joel way – just the way I am.

aaa310818_2131807449893_1382941144_nI have a new girlfriend. Her name is Leslie Stein. She is the Leslie part of our morning show called “Jay, Lori & Leslie.” That’s her on the right with her best dude, Alfie.  We work beside each other 5 days a week. When we’re not working, we discuss America’s Next Top Model in intense detail and critique photos on Facebook like Tyra would. Yeah, she’s talented and smart and blah blah blah. I’m not here to sell you on her. I’m here to say how much I am loving working with a woman. One reason is that she has body issues too. She used to be 60 pounds heavier. I’ve seen the photos. She struggles to stay svelte. She has to watch what she eats and she goes to this thing called ‘spin class’ often. I’m quite sure it’s a cult and I’m in the early planning stages of an intervention.

Don’t misunderstand me. Every dude in my life who’s aware of Losing Lori is wonderfully supportive of me and lord knows I am grateful. It means the world. Here’s the thing… being beside Leslie 5 days a week makes a difference in my weight loss adventure. This is not to say Jay isn’t amazing. All three of us share breakfast snacks, jokes, sarcasm, successes, blips and an abundance of singing and camaraderie. I love that. I know I could share any and all struggles with Jay and he’d be a true-blue friend. But let’s talk plain – he has an outie and I have an innie.

When I tell Leslie how I wanted to eat the entire main floor of my house because I had PMS, she gets it. She’s lived it. We can discuss small-animal-sized number twos and how fabulous it is when they occur before a weigh in. I never feel like her encouragement or advice is pressure. It’s more like having a sister in all things body-issue/food related there beside me. And it’s good.

ship10aWow, after all that, I feel like if I don’t lose this week it’ll be all her fault! Ha!  I kid, I kid. I’ve had another disciplined week (hey, Mexico – I see you waving in the distance) so should do well. However, there’s always the stealthy, boat-anchor-of-a-uterus with the regularity-of-the-Spanish-inquisition lurking behind every corner. WHOA! Yup, the lady parts are making quite the stand for themselves today. Remember that 2.4 I lost last week? Well, the anchor has retorted with a 2.6 gain. This has happened too often to get in a tizzy about it. I was a goddamn star this week and it’ll show up when it shows up. I’ll be at the Glenmore Reservoir keeping the boats in place with my reproductive organs if you need me.



Pounds gained this week: 2.6

Total pounds lost: 57.1