LOSING LORI #46 – June 12, 2013

Hello dearhearts,

stoneimagesI’m starting to wonder if I shouldn’t rebrand this blog as Maintaining Lori rather than Losing Lori. If you’ve been following along, you likely know that I haven’t lost much weight for quite some weeks now. Sometimes it’s really frustrating, particularly when I bust my ass to eat impeccably healthy (and yes, with an appropriately calculated caloric intake) and go to the gym three times a week and nothing happens. Sometimes I just have to laugh. Most of the time, I remind myself that living life with joy and enthusiasm is a far greater use of my time than obsessing about my body. When it – the body – is ready to melt, I have to have faith that it will. In the meantime, I’ll be like water on a stone, dripping relentlessly until erosion gets its ass moving. In other words, I’m not giving up. Screw you, metabolism or fate or whatever/whomever is the puppeteer here.

I’m considering taking the summer off from blogging. Sure, there’s a voice in my head whispering, “Psst, Lori. Are you sure you’re not going to gain a bunch of weight if you don’t have to be accountable every Wednesday?” Yeah, I wonder about that. But in the spirit of mental health, I’m not accountable to anyone but myself. Without question, the blog – and let’s face it, what I’m referring to is people like you who read it, who comment, who support, who question, who relate and who uplift – keeps me honest and is therapeutic for me. But perhaps a summer break would diminish my obsession with all things food and weight.

What have I been doing to lose weight? Thanks for asking. 1200 calories a day. 1500 calories a day. 1800 calories a day. No flour, no sugar, nothing processed. Working out. Not working out. Lots of protein. Trying a ‘cheat day’ to shock my system. Getting enough sleep. Eating natural sugars in the evening rather than the morning. Grazing. Not grazing. Meth. Wait, no. I’m not doing that til Breaking Bad starts up in August. I used to hear people say they couldn’t lose weight and I doubted them. I thought, “Yeeeah, okay. Or maybe you’re in denial about how much you’re eating.” Now I get it.

What’s lovely is that a few people who hug me regularly (not bragging, but I’m goddamn lovable and huggable – try me) insist that I’m smaller. Cool! A dear friend gingerly brought up that maybe my age is making this more difficult, god rest her soul. Haaa. Just kiddin.’ I don’t have a problem with my age (47, mofos) and it’s likely my metabolism has slowed a wee bit. That said, I don’t like the idea of blaming slow progress on that.

Someone asked if I’d considered weight loss surgery. I’ve thought about it. Lapband surgery is becoming more and more popular. Initially, I was dead set against it. I figured coming to terms with food addiction with good therapy and good lifestyle should do the trick. Also, successful weight loss is supposed to take time. I don’t know how successful surgery is long term either. So, I still err on the side of no, but lord knows I don’t judge anyone who has it done. I’ve had a lifetime of living in a large body. I understand the frustration, isolation, self-loathing and desperation well. So very well.

bowimagesHa. I’m sitting here trying to tie this all up in a neat little bow and am at a loss. Wait, I know what I’ll do. Thanks for listening to the babble from my mouth and brain. I appreciate you.



P.S. I’m at Calgary Yuk Yuks this weekend, June 13-15, where I’d be more than happy to hug you in person. 403-258-2028 or yukyuks.com