Good morning, sparkly!

I’m writing this hurriedly this morning because when I could’ve been writing in the last couple of days, I chose to do other things. Did I just whap you in the face with my raw honesty? Yeah. Let me kiss that better.

Biggest news of the week – I WENT TO THE GD GYM! I met Meg Brown, Fit Bitch at Goodlife on Sunday morning, which clearly makes the gym my place of worship. Har har. Typical of facing fears, when faced with the actual task, you simply put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, that mountain in front of you – poof! Just a hologram. I’ll have to remember that when I attempt water skiing this summer.

We started working on my quads, which are used to a pretty carefree life where their major exercise only exists because I live in a 2-storey home. We hit up 4 machines and if anyone has doubts about whether weight training gets your heart rate up, I’ve got a very sweaty shirt you can wrap around your face. You can bid on it on eBay.

If my quads had a face, it would’ve been Macauley Culkin in Home Alone. So imagine their shock when we approached the Bench of Torture for step ups. Step ups imply, well, a step. This bench was 7 feet in the air… approximately. I had to step up then extend the other leg back; 10 times on each foot. We did 2 sets of 10 per leg, which was when the sweat tsunami began gaining momentum.

Oh, I almost forgot! That’s when I started crying. Meg kindly went to refill my water bottle and I felt a cry coming on. WTF? We faced each other on the B of T and she asked what was going on in my head. After some thought, I decided it was the fear being released. It just chose to exit through my eyeballs. In retrospect, it was relief too. I had faced my fear and everything was going to be okay. I felt incredibly safe and secure having Meg with me. She goes by the moniker, Fit Bitch, but don’t kid yourself. She’s pretty damn tender and generous.

My discount was eerily similar to this.

Once I got my tears out and water in, that tender bitch asked for another 10 step ups per leg. I managed the left leg with huge effort, including bringing people that annoy the F out of me into my mind. After 6 on the right (26 cumulative), things were getting shaky. Meg put out her hand for me to grab on the way up. I managed a couple more. And then, with neither a speck of warning nor a signal from quad to brain, my legs failed. This is aptly named “training to failure.” At that point, I had both feet on the bench, Meg in front of me taking my hands, and had 2 useless legs. It was pretty damn funny. How do you dismount and stick the landing when your limbs are as useful as tapioca? I’ll tell ya – as you’re laughing hysterically, partly from amusement and partly from lack of oxygen to your brain, you tip slowly to your right until enough of your girth hits bench to stabilize yourself. Epic.

Thank Jesus, we worked on arms after that. Then before I knew it, we were done. I worked very hard and took this picture to prove my gift of sweating. Usually you’re sore the next day, right? I was sore hours later. The next day, walking downstairs and mounting the throne were rather painful. Totally worth it.

Will I go again? Yes. The evidence – I bought workout pants. No, not those too-sheer, recalled Lululemons. My sweat already puts me in the wet t-shirt category at the gym. People don’t need a valley view in addition.

In other news, I received the most beautiful present this morning. Not only did my stellar friend, Allison Shillington, bring a healthy breakfast of grapefruit, yogurt and bananas to Fraser, Roger and me this morning, she made me a mug. I don’t have the words to express how touching and amazing it is, so I’ll let the photos speak for me.

I tried to take a panoramic photo of it, but I ended up with a mutant-looking mug that would not do it justice.

Allison made this for me out of the goodness of her huge heart, not just because I pushed her and Donovan Deschner together and now they’re madly in love. That’s just a bonus. You’re welcome, kids.

I’m going to celebrate my 1.5 lb weight loss this week by toasting myself with my new mug.

Aren’t people just grand?

Love,

Lori

Pounds lost this week: 1.5

Total pounds lost: 53.8