Oh hey, so good to see you again. How’s your week been? Did you get to the farmer’s market? Did you sort out that cell phone bill? Is the rash gone? Well, two out of three ain’t bad. Let’s go sit outside and pretend it’s late June instead of late August. Here’s a mint julep.

What’s that? You’ve been losing sleep worrying about my hernia surgery? Oh, you. Give us a hug then. Upon the surgeon discovering my Swiss-cheese abdominal wall, I did get upgraded to staples from stitches and recovery time is slower, but I feel excellent. Of course, I can’t get groceries for a few more weeks because I’m not allowed to lift more than 5 pounds (OMG, THIS MAKES ME SO GD HAPPY! I HATE GETTING GROCERIES! RELEASES THE DOVES! CUE THE HORN SECTION! HIT IT, HALLELUJAH CHORUS!). Considering how much my own arse weighs, 5 pounds seems very slight. Is that irony? No, I’m not asking Alanis. She never did quite get it.

So, remember that hilarious joke the universe played on me last week? Yeah, when I put back on the 11 pounds I’d lost. Oh, haha! Wasn’t that FUN? Such a knee slapper. Well, thank the heavens above, it turned out it was indeed fluid from the hospital stay. They were pumping bags of it into me and I was pounding back cup after cup of it because the Percocet was making me so damn hot. Oh, sweet Percocet, how I miss thee. Hallowed be thine sweet and narcotic properties. Within a mere 3 days, the koi pond of water in me was gone.

I’ve managed to stay on track with food during all this. (cue parade) I’m still going to see Psych and have used hypnosis 3 times. I felt guilty last time because I almost fell asleep, but she assured me that was normal considering the relaxed state I put myself in. I asked her to wipe my drool if I nodded off and she refused. Damn these psychs and their healthy boundaries!

I have a goal for next summer. I want to water ski. Some of you are aware that I’ve been trying since I was 13. I don’t think my weight is wholly responsible for not ‘getting up,’ but it doesn’t make it any easier I guarantee you that. Wanting to know what muscles to develop for water skiing, I began my research. Within seconds, a hand leaped out of my screen, smacked me soundly on the forehead and displayed the words, “EVERY muscle, ya dumbass!” It would seem that, perhaps with the exception of my ears, I will be engaging every muscle in my body… even the ones I haven’t started growing yet.

So, the numbers. Pounds lost this week is going to look like starvation, but keep in mind that 2 weeks* have passed since an accurate weigh in. Also, I don’t starve. I eat about 1800 calories per day. Sometimes just in butter. Just kidding. Ripple Chips. Just kidding. Lard cake. Oh hell, now you’ve gone and made me hungry. I thought you were my friend.

Thanks so much for stopping in. Knowing you’re out there sincerely makes me happy and motivated. If you, as my boyfriend Steven Tyler would say, don’t wanna miss a thing, do sign up for email updates below.

Love, Lori

My Fitness Pal: lorihasfun

Twitter @lorigibbs

*Pounds lost this week: 4.4

Pounds lost to date: 15.7