Friend: “Our family went mountain climbing on the weekend. Gorgeous. So much fun. But I felt guilty when we got home because I only climbed halfway up.”

Me: “So… wait. How long were you mountain climbing?”

Friend: “I guess about 3.5 hours.”

My friend, who is a passionate, talented, loving, driven, compassionate, successful and deep woman, was kicking her own ass… for “only” climbing half a mountain. I pointed this out with love, caring and tact: “ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS??!!” I screeched. Jesus Christ in a rap battle, what on earth is wrong with this picture?

We need to stop kicking the bejesus out of ourselves! Now granted, perhaps I swing this particular pendulum a tad far the other way. In retrospect, maybe I could’ve been less snippy with the By-Law Officer who shut down the parade I was leading in Fish Creek Park. But I had walked for 40 minutes. FORTY minutes! That’s 2/3 of a Breaking Bad episode, 9 to 11 hits from my iPod (shout out to you, Howard Jones), and enough time for somewhere between 0 and 4 climaxes depending on barometric pressure and Internet connection speed. Does that not deserve at least a float and a marching band? I realize the bagpipers may have been slightly over the top, but when the wind caught their kilts? OMG, shivers… and I don’t mean mine.

In a nutshell, please stop being so mean to yourself. Use the old psychologist trick… ask yourself if you would speak that way to your child or your best friend. If the answer is yes, kindly smarten the hell up.  If the answer is no, remind yourself that abusing yourself doesn’t lead to success and growth, but to self-loathing and eventual rebellion against what you want to accomplish. You’re not bad. You’re you, and the only one who can be you so damn well. Now go make out with yourself.