* W E L C O M E ! *

The Internet, I’ve been told, is a vast thing. The fact that you’re here is a miracle… or maybe a mistake. If you were looking for a lamb recipe, how to re-sod your lawn or speed-walking tips, it’s possible you took a wrong turn. However, just for being here, I will happily provide answers to those and all other questions even though I’ve never cooked lamb. I mean, I’ve fricasseed it, but who hasn’t, right? With speed-walking, try jogging. When you’re out of breath (after 12 seconds in my case) slow down slightly and waggle your rump cheeks up and down quickly. Re sod: green side up.

ALSO, thank you to Donovan Deschner (www.donovandeschner.com) who did a magnificent job revamping my website! He is also hilarious and magical. You should probably hire him.

Thanks for being here. It’s kind of you. I owe you one.