I’m fairly naive about drugs. That’s not to say I didn’t find Perocet to be downright heavenly when I had gall bladder attacks. Last week, a comedian friend of mine was talking to an audience member who liked his show. To show his appreciation, audience guy gave the comedian cocaine. Cocaine?! I held it in my hand and felt uncomfortable, like I did when I went to a shooting range and shot a Glock. Sweaty and weird and ill at ease. A discussion followed regarding what to do with the cocaine. “I’ll throw it away.” “No, you should flush it!” “Should I try it?” “No! It might be poison!” “Let’s sell it!” “We’ll go to jail!” I felt like I was in an episode of Degrassi Season 1.

What’s my point? I haven’t tried any hard drugs, but I daresay nothing could compete with the adrenaline of performing standup. It’s pure, free, legal, contagious, exhilarating and there are no negative after effects. This video is me after getting high.